Gourmet Asia Restaurant

Is that proper? Sign makers are a cruel and unusual bunch, I think they gain pleasure by allowing so many proprietors to post grammatical errors. Do you think they give each other kudos when they see another's dismissed proof reading?

"Did you see the 'No Smorking' sign at the train station?"

"Yea. Nice one!" (fist pound)

A Weight Management Chocolate?

What the H-E-double hockey sticks does that mean? Like a diet brownie? How about lo-cal lard? Eat what you want, if you're overweight, get off our ass and do something.

Additional uses for water

We just picked up a new Brita pitcher for filtering water. There is a nifty "Additional Uses" section on the box. It recommends:

Cooking
Infant Formula
Coffee, Tea & Juices
Ice Cubes
Sports Bottle
Pets

Wow! I didn't know there were so many additional uses for water. And here we were only going to use it to fill up the bathtub...

Woman at bar, writing notes on napkins

She sits down, orders a Belgian Trippel (so she's got good taste in beer) and starts in reading the newspaper. She begins making notes on napkins, and folds the newspaper up. She continues making notes on those napkins, sans newspaper.

What is she writing, I wonder. Is it a thesis? A manifesto? Is it the ramblings of a crazy-person?

In any case, she treats her things well. Look at that vintage Motorola v60 sitting on the bar, patiently awaiting a call. I'm surprised it still has its antenna intact. Those used to break off all the time.

Beach Graffiti

Full Blown Hemmeroidal Ass Monkey

View from the 17th tee...

At "Stinkin" Lincoln Golf Course.  A view worth taking a picture of a person taking a picture of the view.

Snack off the weight...

Yea right, and drink your way sober.

Second Text Conversation With a Stranger

Now this is getting odd.  I just had one of these two days ago.  I get another text message from a number I don't recognize.

Random number: "Heyy nicole, its emmiillliiieee!"

So I'm having dinner with friends and I tell them about the first conversation with a stranger.  I still have the messages on my phone so I read them the script.  Hilarity ensues.  My friend Chris grabs my phone and replies to this greeting with...

"What up biatch"

Random number: "How ru?"

Me: "Good. Wakka wakka wakka!"

Random number: "I miss you!"

Me: "I miss you too. Xoxo. Ps. I just ate a whole pint of ben and jerry's!"

Random number: "Wow, uh fatass. That Shud make you txt fasterr"

Me: "I feel like even my thumbs are fat!"

Random number: "Lol I ws kidding. You are helluh skinny.  Lol I'm boredd"

And that's enough fun for one night.  The last thing I need is to piss off an EMO middle-schooler and have my phone number plastered all over the girl's bathroom.

Text Conversation With a Stranger

This transpired on the night of April 3rd.  I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize.  

Here's how it all went down:

Random number: "Hey its April"

I'm thinking, OK, I know an April.  I don't think this is her but I'll play along.

Me: "Hi April"

Random number: "Hey. Did u wanna go 2 that party me and emily were talking about 2day far hannas b day?"

Now I know I don't know this person.  I don't know ant Hanna, and I wasn't talking to any April today about her birthday.  I'm going to have a little fun anyway.

Me: "No.  I think I'm going to just ahang out with mike."

Random number: "Ooh whos mike? Lol"

Me: "Mike. Remember? Didn't I tell you about mike today?

Random number: "No!?! Plz do tell!"

Me: "Mike! The guy who tried to pick me up at starbucks last week... Well I think he just did!!!"

Random number: "Aww im so happy 4 u! Howr the play going?"

At this point I figure enough is enough and I don't respond anymore.  

Oh Octomom, what are you going to do next?

Good 'Ole Barf World